Sanskrit has 96 words for love , ancient Persian has 80 , Greek three and English only one. This is indicative of the poverty of awareness or emphasis that we give to that tremendously important realm of feeling. Eskimos have 30 words for snow , because it is a life-and-death matter to them to have exact information about the element they live with so intimately. If we had a vocabulary of 30 words for love , we would immediately be richer and more intelligent in this human... element so close to our heart.
An Eskimo probably would die of clumsiness if he had only one word for snow , we are close to dying of loneliness because we have only one word for love. Of all the Western languages , English may be the most lacking when it comes to feeling There are so many ways to experience love. The ``I love you`` I say to elder daughter , like sweet summer light , is different than the ``I love you`` that I whisper into my wife`s ear , like a steady river and different still from the ``I love you`` I tell my younger son. The ``I love you`` that I have said to my various beloveds that have graced my life over the years is different than the ``I love you`` that I say to my best friends. The ``I love you`` I say to my sister is different than the ``I love you`` I say to my mother. This might sound obvious , but it`s important to note that we generally accept and normalize these different shades of love. Yet when it comes to our intimate partners , we expect to feel one kind of love in one measurement : namely, ``madly in love`` without a hint of doubt or uncertainty clouding the pure , ecstatic experience. We exert immense and unrealistic levels of pressure on ourselves : especially during the early stages of a relationship and during an engagement : to feel an exact amount and sentiment of love for our intimate partners. We believe that we can measure love , that there`s a right way to love or an adequate quantity of love that signals that you have met the ``right`` partner and now you are legitimized to marry. Just as our culture propagates one image of physical beauty and one measure of success , so do we absorb one definition of romantic love : namely , a heart-fluttering , ecstatic feeling accompanied by 100 percent certainty that we have found ``the one.`` Sadly and all too often , we hear that an engagement or marriage ends because one beloved ``fell out of love.`` What does this mean ??? I can only assume it means that the butterflies escaped and the ``in love`` feeling dimmed , causing the one who ``fell out of love`` to arrive at the conclusion that the relationship must be fundamentally flawed and inevitably over. It`s a false conclusion that too many people jump to , which causes them to walk away from a healthy , loving relationship that may need a little fine-tuning : or , most likely , an adjustment in the way they are thinking about love. Just as there are many ways to have a healthy , fulfilling marriage , so too are many ways to love. In order to widen our perspective on romantic love , it`s helpful to break down the phrase ``I love you`` so that we start to see its variance. And when you break it down , you see that there are so many ways to love your beloved. There is the appreciation you feel when he does something thoughtful and kind , like brush the drops of water by mist off your car in 20-degree weather or buy your favorite kind of bread. There is the comfort you feel when you come home at the end of a hard day at work and she`s there , waiting for you with a plate of hot food and your favorite TV show cued up. There is the gratitude you feel when she attends the family gathering. There is the warmth you feel when you see him across the room and know that he is your guy. There are the tingles you feel when she kisses you , maybe not every time , but enough to know that a spark still burns between you. There is the trust you feel when you walk through a difficult conflict together and emerge stronger than ever on the other side. There is the awe you feel when you remember how rare it is to find someone who ``gets`` you and who you ``get.`` There is the softness you feel when you focus on one physical quality in your partner that melts your heart and brings a smile to your face. There is the joy you feel when you listen to your favorite song together or have a blast on the dance floor. There is the contentment you feel when you read together but separately before going to bed. There is the stability that grows when you nurture the garden of your marriage year after year, enduring challenges and celebrating joys and always knowing that you support your own and each other's growth and happiness. We live on an abundant planet. There isn`t just one fruit to be enjoyed in summer , not merely a single sweet plum to delight in as the first juice runs over your fingers : but cherries , blackberries , strawberries , melons , grapes , nectarines , peaches. Such miracles !!! Likewise , there are so many ways to love. When we attune our awareness and widen our consciousness to include these variations on our narrow cultural definition , we know that romantic love is multicolored and multidimensional. It`s infinitely richer than the images presented on the big screen , infinitely more nuanced and alive than the one-dimensional feeling of butterflies that sometimes initiates a relationship. It`s appreciation , comfort , gratitude , warmth , tingles , trust , awe , softness , joy , contentment and stability ( to name just a few words for love ). It`s real and honest and when we commit to loving beloved with whom we can learn about , it becomes one of the most fulfilling and meaningful paths we can embark upon.
